good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
