smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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