my sisters under your porch take her home
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
