My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
