Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
