Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
