i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
