We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
