The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
