So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
