Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She told me I should be a condom model.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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