i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
