He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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