Can i not drive my cunt home
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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