the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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