Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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