i was born a porn star she said
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
