it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
