Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
