also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
