i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
