He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
