Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
