Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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