She is in my trunk
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
