we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
