She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
