I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize