I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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