i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
