Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
