So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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