There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
