you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
