is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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