Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
