Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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