my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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