if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
