The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
