Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You can't just leave with hair like that
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
