Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
