The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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