She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
