They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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