Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
