THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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