Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just cropdusted the office
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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