i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
