sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
