my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
