There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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