Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
As shirtless as possible
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize