guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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