One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i've created a new STD.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
