There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
