My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
