My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
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