Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
