Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize