honey bunches of taint.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
