I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
