butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
