Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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