i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just gargled with NyQuil
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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