Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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