Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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