I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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