You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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