South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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