I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize