Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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