Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
