your room smells of hookers.
And success
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
