so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
