Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
