Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize