She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
