i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
