Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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