cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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